Tuesday, January 17, 2006

just finished watching "Devil beside you" dat jiawen lent me....
it is such a nice show... (",)

however... it sets me tinking about everything dat is around....
everything dat is happening.... going to happen and all dat has happened...

watever dat has happened...
made me a stronger person...
but if another same situation is to happen...
how am i suppose to take it...
how am i suppose to pick myself up again....
will the same beliefs dat held me strong...
the philosophies dat i held so high regard for...
still function the same way as it did before....

everything dat is happening now....
i'm very satisfied with it...
and wished it will all just stay the same always...
though sometimes there will be things dat makes me upset....
but it all adds up tiny happiness...
the arguments...
the tears...
the feeling of heart pain...
all adds up...

and for watever dat is going to happen...
i hold fear ....

the day it was set dat i'm going overseas for studies till now...
i never felt like the present feeling ever before....
though i predict and know i will feel sad... or perhaps something stronger...
it never occured to me dat it will be like dis...
this feeling... can't be described...
it is much more den sadness...
much more den pain...
much more den anything else...

i thought everything would be so simple like it was years before...
but it isn't...
years before... i was sad... i felt pain...
but now... the feeling is too intense... too uncomfortable...
too much for me to take...

i thot it did not matter...
and it will not affect me so much...
but i was wrong...

" i will wait..." dat is wat he said...
i should be happy enuff...
enuff to last me till the next time i meet him...
but added behind dat sentence...

"but... there will be 2 scenarios... one would be waiting with no change in feelings... still be as close when u come back after 2 years.... and another... waiting also without changes in my feelings... but no longer close to one another like before..."

as much as i dun wan to believe dat the second one will happen...
but the possibility is always there...
and it makes me feel unsafe....
feel afraid...

i take it easy behaving dat i'm not affected...
but inside... who can understand...
when i read missy's blog saying small serene.. i will miss u much much de...
it fell... the tears dat i've been controlling all dis while finally fell...
and it continues...

it is not going to be easy...
but since it is the step i'm going to take...
i've to stay by it....

please dun ask me why i made dis decision...
and please stay by me...

i will miss him... cuz he is 我心里最重要与重视的人...
i will miss my xiao tou... cuz 她是能让我把心里话统统说出来的人...
i will miss missy too... cuz 她是我一个好可爱的好朋友...

too many to mention....
in short...
i will miss everyone...

我怎么还在记忆里徘徊
一个我最爱的人已不在
从没想到你竟然狠心这样
看着最爱你的人选择离开
手机号码还在 随时都开
为了你不能改

总在期盼哪天你真的回得来
爱在我心里面 象个小孩
要呵护要依赖
没有人可以一口气说个明白

it just seems dat he is singing dis song to me...


等待已久的幸福未来一定会实现的...

只要两个彼此相爱的人认定了方向, 就一定不会出差错...

r a ! n a _____________*

The Ger



~*Serene ` Raina*~

Links

+ darLin
+ nes
+ CS
+ rachel
+ jiawen
+ jie jie
+ shijie
+ elly serene
+ clara

[S]tories online
+ Journal of Life - Love Stories

Taggie

Memories

December 2004
 January 2005
 February 2005
 March 2005
 April 2005
 May 2005
 June 2005
 July 2005
 August 2005
 September 2005
 October 2005
 November 2005
 December 2005
 January 2006
 February 2006
 March 2006
 April 2006
 May 2006
 June 2006
 July 2006
 August 2006
 September 2006
 October 2006
 November 2006
 December 2006
 January 2007
 February 2007
 March 2007
 April 2007
 May 2007
 June 2007
 July 2007
 August 2007
 September 2007
 October 2007
 November 2007
 December 2007
 January 2008
 February 2008

Credits

Layout by Lone Flower