♥ love ♥

Monday, December 26, 2005

damn...
i'm terribly sick on boxing day...
coughing non-stop...
very bad tummy ache...
as pale as a ghost...
so much so dat i got freaked out by myself in the mirror...

lost all mood...
damn...

r a ! n a _____________*

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

我很害怕
害怕即将要发生的事实

害怕的是
不懂未来会出现甚么变化
可能会发生的点点滴滴

失去了我一向坚决的肯定
失去控制自己情绪的理智
变得憔悴了
变得疑神疑鬼的
变得对自己毫无自信

因为没有了自信所以失去了安全感

我忘了拥有一份安全感的滋味是甚么样子的
也忘了怎么露出笑容
忘了怎样自我安慰

身上的伤也已经不再自动随时间慢慢恢复
原因是受过的伤早已累积成无法痊愈了

平常与微笑戴过一天的我
已经不见了
连我自己都找不到那以前开心的我

不计较成果的付出
已经不存在了
毕竟谁会愿意默默的付出一切
而永远不希望有一点回报

人永远是自私的
只管自己的死活
而并没有去多想
他们的一举一动将会带给别人的伤害

我受伤了
但会有谁来理会我

我落下了失望与无奈的泪水
刻意去避免的事情
始终都会发生的
想躲也躲不了

r a ! n a _____________*

Saturday, December 17, 2005

1) Living

- wat if i'm afraid to sleep alone...
- wat if i can't take care of myself...
- wat if my housemates are In****s...
- wat if worse still Bl**g***hes...
- wat if i can't cook food for myself...

-_-"

2) School

- wat if i dun understand my work...
- wat if i dunno how to do my assignments...
- wat if i dun get good members in my grp...
- wat if i dun get distinctions...
- wat if i cannot wake up to go school...

-_-"

Solution?!

For Living,

Week1 - Mummy cook and bunk in with me...
(2 person squeezed onto a super single sized bed)
Week 2's food....
- mummy will cook and pack it into tupperwares for me... den i just warm up n eat...
Subsequent food...
- Chicken meat and other finger food and salads for weekdays...
-Weekends... Jie Jie House eat... den MUST cook beef... =)
- and sleep at jie jie house over the weekend...

- get used to staying alone...
- and making frens...

so ke lian...

For School,
- Grab notes from everywhere or buy them...
- study extremly hard... eh... is 12 hours of studying enuff a day?
- bid for afternoon lessons... and get an alarm clock...
- stay marathon when exams come... (mine subjects are more of memorizing and application)

so stressed...

and when i'm there....

DRIVING LESSONS...
so when i get back to sg tink most prob end of the year... i can drive a car.... woah... =)
p/s: mid- semester break only lasts for one month... maybe i'll be back... see first...

luckily... i'm bringing my teddy bear (mr ray) over...
someone to accompany me when i'm over there...

everyone... meet up with me soon okie...
and remember to send me off.... =X

*~*

nes... i'll be back to celebrate my birthday...
the actual date will be on a saturday...
so fly back on friday nite... reach sat morning...
den sunday morning fly back for school on monday...
it's set already... just place all dat haven confirmed...
my mummy going to plan for me...
just need to invite everyone thru e-mail or msn to come...
haha...

r a ! n a _____________*

Thursday, December 15, 2005

after receiving the notification dat i'm accepted to study in Curtin...
everything is going as planned...
making all the necessary payments...
going for medical check ups....
applying for accomodation...
as well as visa...

Finally...
i've got my placing in the hostel...
an all female's unit...
just opposite campus...

so now...
i just have to wait for the approval of my student visa...
den i'm packed and ready to go...

orientation starts on the 13th of Feb...
so my plane will most prob be on the 11th...
but everything is not confirmed yet...
plane ticket also not booked yet...

as the date draws nearer...
more details will be post...

r a ! n a _____________*

Friday, December 09, 2005

it's been confirmed...
my application to study @ Curtin in Perth...
it has been a hush hush thingy dat not many people know about...
and as of today...
it is made public...

i received the news dat i have been accepted to study there...
duration of 2 years due to exemptions...
the course is actually 3 years...

so in like about a month's time...
i'll be packing and gone...
not to be back till the hols...

though my sis will be there too...
btw she's studying there as well...
i will not be staying with her...
i will be staying on campus...
of which i just applied...
i need to be independent myself...
- staying alone -

so i presume i need all the support dat i can get in the coming 2 years...
everyone dun forget me okie...
and must miss me hor...

will inform everyone of my departure date as it draws nearer...
must come send me off hor...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and also...

Happy Birthday to him...
Hope u enjoy ur day to the fullest...

r a ! n a _____________*

Sunday, December 04, 2005

RESULTS : PENDING

FEELINGS: AWFUL

HESITANT

AFRAID

DEPRESSED

LONGING

STRESSED

WORRIED

MISSING

r a ! n a _____________*

Friday, December 02, 2005

i'm not a consultant...
but why does everyone come to me when faced with problems...
i know i can offer a listening ear...
and maybe sometimes give advice...
but too much is also unbearable...

as it is now...
i have my own problems...
and i dunno how to deal with it...
and i choose not to confide in anyone...

i bottle them up...
and feel terrible...
but there isn't a solution now...

so leave it only to time to heal everything...

for now...
i'm not in the mood to listen to anyone...
i'm not in the mood to solve anyone's problems...
i'm not in the mood to give advice...
i'm not in the mood to offer a listening ear....

so everyone....

leave me alone for awhile...
i can't take it anymore...

*sometimes... physical pain is always much better den emotional pain...
cuz at least... the pain will soon subside...and the wound would close...
but for the heart... no matter wat... it will never heal...

r a ! n a _____________*

The Ger

~*Serene ` Raina*~

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