Friday, March 04, 2005

all the presentations, interviews and submissions are over... dat's leaves nothing for me to take my mind off u....
the days that are to come will be very difficult to pass... its like the third day... and it still hurts... and it hurts badly... cannot find joy in anything... cannot be happy about anything... does anyone noe how hard it is to put on a smile in front of everyone when inside u are breaking... much worse... their is no one by ur side to help u get over dis period...
i really feel i've sunk too deeply into everything.... yet i can't do anything to help myself... i can't accept the fact that u have left... i can't be happy about anything... i can't stop all the tears... i can't stop all the pain... and i can't let go no matter how hard i try....
i wan a person around to be there for me... i wan a person to love me... and i wan a person to be serious with me... and i wan a person to stay faithful to me... the person i wan is him...
i dun tink i am a very complicated person... and watever i do... i only hold on to the belief that i will have to pursue wat i feel is right, wat i feel i wan and wat i feel will make me happy... and that is him....
i also believe that if u wan the happiness to be everlasting... alot of trials have to be gone thru... den u will be able to cherish wat u have...
i tink i have gone thru enough and should be enjoying the success now... but why isn't reality so....
i really cannot understand something... wat makes me so different from her... wat makes u wan to choose her over me... wat make me wan to give up more thing den her for u.... wat makes me wan to put myself thru all dis misery just cuz i wan to be with u....


i only wan very simple things from u... and i dun expect much in return...
i've change so much and sacrificed so much just to be with u... but why is the end it just does not fall in the way dat i wan it to be...
just think of all the things i've done... and how much i have gone thru.... the heartbreaks... the patches... the giving of hopes to raise me high up into the sky... and dashing them by letting me fall.... did u ever realise dat one day i might fall to my death....

and even when i fall... there is always no one below to catch me... everything i went thru it myself... i can't believe how much u have hurt me... but i still foolishly wan to be with u...

i noe u never wan me to be selfish and i must tink of others... i changed and did that but wat did i get back in the end.... so for this time... i'm going to be selfish.... i wan u.... and o will fight for watever i wan....

~* soften ur heart and face me....
i might not be the perfect one....
but i willing to change for u....
so please give me a chance....
to touch u....
i'll be waiting for u....
no matter how long it takes....
please let me in ur heart....
and i will do my best to u....
i really love u....
much more den u can ever expect.... *~

r a ! n a _____________*

The Ger



~*Serene ` Raina*~

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